I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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