were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
