I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
