If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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