Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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