Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
