kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
