Don't you send me to vm
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
