Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
