Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
