Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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