I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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