just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize