Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
