He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
