How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize