On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
false alarm, still single
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
