After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
