I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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