How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
