She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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