Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
