I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
