I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize