Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
