I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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