There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
