so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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