Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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