Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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