i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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