Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
