Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
