It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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