Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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