Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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