i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
