we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
