So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
