My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
