I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
