OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
