And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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