His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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