Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
