Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
