y did u give ur computer a hand job?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
