just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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