The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize