once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
