it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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