Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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