The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
