Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
