I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
