I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
