Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
