Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
