update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
