I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
