it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
