she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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