dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Vodka?
Forever.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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