Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
