their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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