talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
