her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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