i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Bring me that man meat
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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