so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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