Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
