i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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