I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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