I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This gyro tastes like lonliness
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
