Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
