don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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