i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
