Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
