Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
