One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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