At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
