she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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