I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
